Why You Should Data a Tech Bro

Welcome! You made it to the sequel of How to Date a Programmer—a brief manual for making it work out with the one who codes. I am sure the article helped you put your computer geek crush in your arms in one way or another, and this time, I am hopeful this blog post will convince the rest of my audience to consider crushing on programmers (specifically male developers). Treat this one as a pitch to all the ladies out there for y’all to look beyond the nerdy glasses and stare into our charismatic yet gentle hearts.

You may be wondering why I write such stuff while I should be coding Swift on Xcode. The reason I am here on Medium getting mad help from Grammarly, Writing Tools (Apple Intelligence), and a little ounce of QuillBot is that I don’t want to die single. I bet most of the tech bros out there also don’t want to die alone either. Consider me a messenger, and I firmly believe in not killing the messenger. You can hate the message, though. The message is that you all (the ladies) should consider dating the tech bros to help avoid extinction resulting from the LLMs' takeover.

With that stuck in your mind, I can now peacefully make my points and convince you to ask a random JavaScript developer or me out. Now the KPIs are crystal clear. This article focuses on the objective result of finding the soulmates of the computer programmers out there. Listed are a few of the reasons why you should date the code brethren.

1. THEY HAVE TIME FOR YOU

Legend has it that programmers have no life. Programmers are always busy chasing the next sprint close, the next production error, or the next trophy from their favorite hackathons. While it has some truth to it, it is a misunderstanding among end-users, and I empathize with anyone who thinks we are busy as hell.

We are so idle that we tend to add additional gigs and jobs to fill time. And as you guess, time has to be filled with something to be considered productive and satisfactory.

Enter Soham Parekh—the valley’s favorite founding engineer. I recommend learning his story before trying to assume a programmer friend is as busy as our prime minister. The real story behind every programmer's 24/7 is that when one 9-to-5 ends, the other 9-to-5 begins, and that is a 5-to-9. Weekends are optional, and we may have to unwrap them safely to avoid creating confusion and crashes among peers and family. I rest my case by saying the dude has plenty of time, and he may dedicate it to you if he thinks you are interested in him for some reason (probably a reason or two from the manual on how to date the one who codes).

2. THEY CAN BE PATIENT WITH YOU

Patience is the name of the game when it comes to excelling in software engineering. If you are so edgy about everything around you, I am sure you won’t last a week in front of an IDE, especially if it has some AI assistant/copilot configured to it. With that token, I can assure you that an immense number of people working in tech are known for their grit and the consistent hassle of trying to make it work.

You may be wondering why I am pitching the fact that they don’t usually throw their Bluetooth mouse away when they see junk on a colleague’s pull request as patience with you. If he is calm in front of the intern’s blasphemous MVC garbage, I can assure you he is good at handling all the intentional or unintentional drama you bring to his world. I am sure you are not dramatic, but if you are, you are in good hands if you fall in love with a PHP programmer.

3. THEY MAKE YOU PROUD IN FRONT OF YOUR FAMILY

Despite not fulfilling their parents’ dreams and seeing their joy because they have always been grinding on LeetCode, I can guarantee you the next Thanksgiving gathering at your house will be memorable. They make tons of money, have a huge impact on things they do for a living, and are often quick-witted.

If your dad is proud of who you date, hubby him up; that is the ceiling, and you hit the jackpot, sister.

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Date Me

I’m pretty sure you’re eyeing one of the brothers who you heard does coding for a living or as a hobby. And girl, I endorse the crush and advise you to make a move before he gets laid off from his 6-figure job. And if you were considering me for a date, I would say all it takes is sending me an email at my address or pinning a calendar invite on my Calendly.