How to Date a Programmer

What’s not to love about programmers? You would have never been a TikToker without their patience in building a platform that serves billions of users. You would have never called your family from abroad if they didn’t care enough to develop Skype or Viber. They are the poor souls who create Tinder for you to date your preferred guy or gal while not bothering to go out and meet new people.

Enough with the pity arguments about programmers; in a century where data is considered oil, they are the ones with the money—no need to feel sorry about them. If knowing how to code is the most sought-after skill in 2023, learning how to date a programmer is worth developing, since programmers deserve to be loved and respected. Otherwise, they will lose their sh$t like Elon Musk and try to put chips in your brain. Would you be interested in that?

Why do most programmers we know have a history of divorce?

I assume that people have never learned how to date programmers and don’t seem to care about their feelings.

It is all ones and zeros. True or false? Yes or no.

Trust me when I say this. Learning to code shapes your thinking into a binary format where there’s no middle point or room for certainty and uncertainty to mix up. When a programmer asks you out for dinner, the answer s/he is expecting is yes or no. You can’t just give mixed signals and wait for them to give it another shot while waiting for the right moment. If you think about it, it is a lot easier to communicate that way. Otherwise, you’re wasting his or her debugging time.

Don’t assume they will be interested in a random idea you have come up with to help you make it into an app.

When people see a programmer, they assume that they would be eager to build their next billion-dollar app, if not fix the printer or hack their boss’s Telegram account. Please don’t ask your programmer crush to make the next Angry Birds. I assure you that they will build you something cool if they have time, but not if you ask them to.

Be interested, please!

I understand that most of the things they discuss don’t make sense to you, but it's wise to listen to them when they constantly brag about the fix they did that didn’t even make it to production. Be attentive when they tell you they have contributed to a feature build, even if you can’t see it on the app’s screen. Semicolons are their default jokes, so make sure to laugh when they tell you they have been trying to debug their code for hours, missing a semicolon on line 235. I swear that shit is so funny (at least for a C++ programmer).

With that said, I would like to thank you for reading my rant to the end. I hope I have given you insight into what to do and what not to do while trying to date someone who codes. A quick disclaimer I have for you is not to bother trying to date a JavaScript developer. You would not regret this.

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